Subject: Re: alt.folklore.urban  Frequently Asked Questions  [Part 3 of 4]
Date: Tue, 28 Feb 1995 09:02:59 GMT

An old friend of mine, Joe Bethancourt, gave me permission to post this 
little item that he wrote up.  (You'd better appreciate this, I typed it 
in BY HAND.)


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         THE UNIVERSAL CONSPIRACY AGAINST EVERYTHING
   ********** A pocket guide to paranoiac thinking **********
                                                     -The Whyte Bard


After a lot of reading within the "Conspiracy Theory of History" folk 
of all stripes and flavors, I have drawn up this little chart showing 
"The Universal Conspiracy Against Everything." Since most of these folks 
don't seem to agree on much, I have done my best to chart it -all,- both 
"left" and "right" wing......if your favorite conspiratorial group is not 
listed, stick it in -anywhere-....with enough tortured logic, you can find
a connection to -anything-. EVERYTHING in here has been listed, at one time
or another, by some group or another, as a "conspiratorial" group.

                     The Devil
                        |
   |------|---Cain------|---------------------Indo-Europeans
   |      |             |                                |
   |    Arabs         Biblical Giants-------Hittites-----|
   |      |             |                      |         |
   |      |  Babylonian Mystery Religion     Sun-Worshippers
   |      |  |   |      |          |           |         |
   |      |  |   |      |          |           |       Pagans
 Blacks   |  |---|---Merovingians  |--------Hindus       |
   |      |  |   |      |       |  |           |         |
   |      |  The Protocols of the Elders of Zion        OTO
   |      |  |   |      |       |  |           |         |
   |      |  |   |      |       |  |    The Yellow Peril |
   |      | The Illuminatti--|  |  |           |         |
   |      |  |   |      |    |--|--|-Santa Claus-------Elves
   |--|---|-The Ismailians---|  |  |           |         |
   |  |      |   |      |      Fu Manchu       |         |
   |  |      |---|-Rosicrucians-|--|---------Elvis    Satanism
   |  |      |   |      |       |  |    |----| |         |
   | Shriners|   |---Catholics  |  |    |      |         |
   |  |      |   |      |      Easter   |    Space      The
   |  |---Masons |   Cathars   Bunny    |    Aliens-----Pope 
   |      |      |      |       |  |    |      |         |
   |      |----Templars---------|  |    |    Rock        |
   |      |     ||   |  |         The   |-----and     Proctor
   |    Mormons ||   Carbonari   Media--|  |-Roll       and
   |      |     ||      |          |    |  |   |      Gambel Inc
   |  Girl Scouts|   Protestants   | TIME  |   |         |
   |      |     ||      |          |  Inc. |  Evolutionists------Science
   |      | |---The Hell-Fire Club |  |    |   |         |           |
   |      | |    |      |       Theosophy---Free Love--Golden Dawn   |
   |  YWCA/YMCA  |    Country      |           |           |        Mad
   |      |      |     Music      EST        Hippies     Smurfs  Scientists
  Turks   |      |      |          |           |           |         |
   |      ||--The World Bank    Foreigners     |       Scientology   |
   |      ||     |      |          |        Harvey         |     |   |
   |  The UN-----Communists      Facists     Krishnas      |     | Computer
   |      |      |      |          |           |           |     |  Nerds
   |  The Military/Industrial    GM/Ford      TM   |-----Thelema |   |
 Opium    |   Complex   |          |           |   |       |     |   |
   |      |      |      |   Crown of England  UFOs |       |     |   |
   | Eastern Liberal Establishment |           |   | Your Great-Aunt Tillie
   |      |      |      |      Republicans     |   |       |     |   |
   | The Medical Establishment     |      Science Fiction--|-----|--Cthulhu
   |      |      |      |         EEC          |   |       |         |
   | The Psychiatric Establishment |           |   |   Women's Lib   |
   |      |      |      |          |           Gurus       |        New York
   |     Homosexuals    |       Nazi Pagans    |   |  |--Atheists----| City
   |      |      |   Identity----| |--------New Agers-|    |             |
   |----NAACP    |   Movement      |        |  |  |   |-Abortionists     |
  Black   |      |             Bar coding  BBSes  |        |             |
  Muslims |   California           |        |  |  Neo-   Criminals     San
         NEA---Liberals---Ecologists--Yuppies  |  Pagans   |       Francisco
          |      |                 |           |  |    |   |            |
        Moonies  |--Animal Rights--|----------Wicca-----Renaissance     |
          |      |                 |                      Faires--------|
       New World Order     Anybody not in your sect-----|               |
             |                     |                    |----non "KJV onlys"
             |----------THE BEAST 666 ARMAGEDDON
                        (When your sect goes to Heaven,
                        and all the rest of them go to
                        Hell.  Nyahh! Nyahh!)

   (NOTE: to those of an excitable nature, the preceding is a SATIRE.
   It is NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! OK? Reprint rights are
   granted.  Send a copy c/o PO Box 35190, Phoenix AZ 85069.)

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As I said, typed in by hand, verbatim.  All spellings as in the 
original.  Thanks, Joe!