The official alt.tasteless theme song
                                                       ---Crunchy Frog
(Sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things")

Boogers and squicking and really gross habits
Taking lawn mowers and running down rabbits
Grinding a few slugs to death 'neath my boots
These are a few of my tasteless pursuits.

Photos of feces and samples of farting
The sight of the squeemish folks quickly departing
Castrating yourself with a small loop of string
These are the things that alt.tasteless will bring.

When I piss blood, when I blow chunks
When I'm feeling sad...
I simply tune into a certain newsgroup,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Fucking cadavers and licking their snatches,
Burning your gonads with several matches.
"I like to blow blow sheepdogs.  Please, am I okay?"
Alt.tasteless provides this for free every day!

If it's nasty, and unpleasant
If it's really vile...
It can be found here, on this humble news group
(We just like to make you smile).
                                                       ---Steve Monson
Dicks that are stolen and placed in girls' handbags,
Feco-stalagmites and crusty old snotrags,
Kittens by motorbikes ground to a paste,
All evoke images too good to waste.

Super-glued condoms with ground glass and fish hooks,
Flatulent recipes, new roadkill cookbooks,
Ovine pudenda with mucus bedewed:
These are our stories, both tasteless and rude!

When my friends say, "That's disgusting!"
I know right away,
The folks in this newsgroup won't turn me away.
Alt.tasteless, you make my day!
                                                     ---Kevin Skelm
Peeled babies sucked dry by thousands of leeches,
AIDS-ridden garbage on NorthEastern beaches,
Suck fucker piercing their dicks with steel rings...
These are a few of my favorite things!
                                                     ---Richard Barry Ling
Toilet bowls clogged up with soft slimy feces,
Guys giving head-jobs to various species,
Dead cats on roadsides, to name but a few -
These are the things that make me want to spew!

Bubbling loogies of curling green mucus,
Stories of vomiters, retchers and pukers,
Chickens all trussed up with tape round their wings -
These are a few of my favourite things!

Big balls of snot roasting slowly on spits,
Blood and pus oozing like toothpaste from zits,
Mold-filled vaginas and foetus dissection...
These are the things that give me an erection!

Old dried-up earthworms lying rotting in drains,
Rats' heads exploding when attached to the mains.
Six metre stalactites made from dried crap -
Please pass a bucket, I'm going to throw up...

Hawks ripping rabbits to shreds with their talons.
Fat slags with pussies that hold seven gallons.
Dank hairy armpits and hot blowfly soup -
Such are the things that you'll read in this group.

Farts which just make the tears flow from your eyes,
Tits which hang right down to cellulite thighs,
Open heart surgery, dogs cut in half -
Now please excuse me, I'm going to barf.
                                                      ---Dave Rhubhymen
Squicking new-born babies with my beastly penis,
Blood sucking bastards with huge genital penis's,
Posting great GIF's of female's with dicks,
These are a few of my favourite things!

Fisting an enema while licking her fungus,
Fucking dead donkeys with a big fucking gun,
Kicking poor bastards with elephantitis,
These are a few of my favourite things!
                                                  ---Daniel J. Blumenfeld
Stories about pets eating shards of ground glass,
sticking explosives up a cats inflamed ass.
Recipes for chunky cream of shit stew.
Delivered from a.t. directly to you.

Dining on road-kill from wide studded tires,
burning the genitals with nichrome wires,
condensing ones farts with liquid nitrogen.
Posted on a.t. again and again.

How to make head-cheese with two-week old jism,
tasteless jokes made at any cataclysm,
death of small children in hilarious ways.
You could read a.t. endlessly for days.

Fermented stench of yeast-infected pussies,
green slimy turdlets from babies' raw tushies,
talk of body fluids incredibly vile.
it's better than sex, so read a.t. awhile.

Giving enemas made with chili powder,
the etiquette of serving chilled maggot chowder.
Comments and critiques amuse and appall,
this forum of tastelessness will reveal all.

Mutilating scrota of yapping poodles,
baking used tampons into cherry strudels,
porking pus-filled eye sockets of the dead.
Reading a.t. is like getting good head.

When you want to
be so sickened
that you'll need to hurl.
Just tap into a.t. and read all the posts, and experience
gross-out world.
                                             --- Phineas Narco
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
disembowled babies and dismembered kittens
brown paper letter bombs tied up with string
these are a few of my favorite things

girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
i love to whip them with long leather lashes
serial killers who do nasty things 
these are a few of my favorite things

priests, nuns and college girls cut up to pieces
car crashes, throat slashes, deadly diseases
overturned cop cars and needles that sting
these are a few of my favorite things

when i'm bored and feeling rotten
when I'm feeling sad
i think of a few of my favorite things
and then go completely mad!
                                           ---Geoff Miller
Pustulent boil that itches and oozes
Little girls, pretty, with small hairless coozes
Fat women, sweaty, with stretch pants that cling
These are a few of my favorite things!

             The alternative alt.tasteless theme song
                                                        ---Wellison@ukans.edu
Sung to the tune of 'Things that remind me of you'

A bloody fetus on a marble slab,
a cunt haunted by a ten foot crab,
a toothless blowjob in a taxi cab,

These are the things that remind me of you, of you,
these are the things that remind me of you.

A cunt that flaps like a mooses ear,
a dirty rubber in a glass of beer,
a face that looks like a bloody smear,

These are the things that remind me of you, of you,
these are the things that remind me of you.

With Profs and Deans and students too,
running around the place with their thumbs up their ass
and nothing to do,

These are the things that re-minds me offfff youuuuuu !

Tasteless alphabet table for kids
By Adam Justin Thornton

A is for asshole from which we all felch
B is for a malodorous belch
C's cunnilingus on a filthy fat whore
D: diarrhea coating the floor.

E--Elephantiasis (gigantic prick)
F's for a felch (half as good as a squick)
G's gonorrhea, gerbils, or Geoff
H is for hamsters--stuff them yourself

I is an imbecile with the head of a pin
J's for our ladies, JennyG, Joni, and Jen
K is for kidney all eaten by worms
L is a lavatory overflowing with sperm

M's mucosal membranes that rot
N is for Nob, all turgid and hot
O must be ovipositors egg-laying in flesh
P is for penises strained through a mesh

Q is for quartering (guts everywhere!)
R:milky-white rheum, matting down hair
S stands for squicking, which I'd rather be
T is for tasteless, the alt. group for me

U's ulceration and corruption and pus
V is for vomit, which always thrills us
W's for winos who sleep on the tracks
X is for xylidine and other fun snacks

Y:yeast infections, pimples, and piles
Z is for zombies loved by necrophiles
Now that I've said the alphabet through
Hand me that drill, and I shall squick you.